I know I know I always have the same introduction, but really how does time just fly by.
It slips out of our hands and next thing you know it’s been days, weeks, months, years.
Anyways, you know before having kids I always wondered how someone became a stay-at-home mom. I never really pictures myself staying home and taking care of my kids. I’ve always been the type to get up and go and just do things. Life just seemed so full of things to do how could I possibly stay home ALL the time.
Well here I am, almost 2 years of being home with my boys. It is so hard and I truly don’t even know how I did it when I was a working mom. I feel like I’m always busy, there is never a break.
When my first baby was born, I went straight to work without issues. I managed to exclusively pump for 9 months and not only that but I was a full time student and working full time. I have no idea how I managed to do that but I did it for an entire year. One day I just started to feel more anxious and that anxiety grew each day. I would be okay and bring myself to feel okay for a bit but then the next day the feeling would come back. I thought I just need a change. So, I changed jobs and started fresh. I was excited, nervous but excited for the change. I did fine the first few days then the anxiety started to pick up. Except, this time I would get to work and I would go to the restroom and cry. I didn’t understand the feeling and to be honest I felt so dumb.
What was happening to me. I opened up to my husband after about 2 weeks of this happening to me. I didn’t know how to explain to someone what I was feeling inside. I was happy for my new opportunity and to be able to learn something new but at the same time I felt like I was missing something, I was sad about something that I couldn’t quite put my finger on.
And, just like that I quit my job.
Almost 2 years now and I still think about what happened. I think I had post partum depression but at the moment I tried so hard to hide that from myself because the thought of having PPD made me feel weak.
I love being a stay-at-home mom but let me tell you, it’s the hardest job ever. I am glad I made a decision for myself but I wish I would have spoken out about what I was feeling, about what I was thinking. If I would have spoken out I would have been able to get the help I needed.
I don’t know much about PPD but I do know that it doesn’t just happen when you first give birth. It can happen any time, during pregnancy or a year after giving birth.
Speak out for yourself. Don’t be ashamed of what you are feeling.
I knew what to expect with my second baby and staying busy has really helped me control my feelings and feel better about myself.
Until next post. ❤
Thank you for reading.